


Defiance of the Stars

by agentandromeda



Category: Romeo And Juliet - Shakespeare
Genre: Don't Like Don't Read, don't hate, i worked hard on this, romeo is a goff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2018-09-15 21:14:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 3,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9257570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agentandromeda/pseuds/agentandromeda
Summary: what ifff... Romeo and Mercutio were gay XD





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Before you ask who the hell would write this, ask yourself: who the hell would READ this.

Hi my name is Romeo Montague and I have short blond hair and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Leonardo Dicaprio (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). [[I’m not related to Leonardo Dicaprio but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I live in pestilence-ridden Verona but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a teen, but I still take part in the Verona feuds and go to Capulet parties. I’m a renaissance-era well-off civilian (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly blue. I love Tailor Horton’s and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a silver cloak with a matching doublet, leggings, and tanned leather boots. I had dust all over my face because we don’t believe in baths. I was walking outside the town square. It was raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of Capulets stared at me. I bit my thumb at them.

I love parties. Parties are, like, so cool. So anyway, my cousin Benvolio and my friend Mercutio were all like, “hey the Capulets are having a party” and I was all like “okay lol” so then we went to a party. I was so in love with Rosaline. She’s a major hottie but she took like a vow of chastity or something so I can’t fuck her or anything and that made me sad. Anyway Benvolio told me I needed to get over her because he doesn’t understand love and I was never going to stop loving Rosaline. Anyway so I went to the party and made out with this other hot girl and now I’ve completely forgot about Rosaline. I forgot to ask the name of the girl but apparently she’s a Capulet. Like, THE Capulet. Daughter of Capulet. Whatever. So we were all like,  
“Yeah it’s crazy but-”  
“-we finish each other’s s-  
“-onnets”  
“That’s what I was gonna say!”  
And I just knew this was my soulmate. Meanwhile Mercutio was pissed at me for some reason. Maybe he was jealous of me. I don’t know. So I decided to ask the girl’s nurse what her name was and her name was Juliet. What kind of pretentious-ass name is Juliet? Plus it’s weird that it rhymes. JuliET CapulET. But I decided to overlook her name because me and all my friends and family have even weirder names and because I loved her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I rewrote teh balcony scene XD so romantic it's my FAVE. don't like don't read you fucking preps

Ugh. Benvolino and Mercuruto don’t get me. They don’t understand love. This is true love. True love only comes once. I read that once on a Instagram post of some antifeminist high school freshman from Montana. I scaled the wall because I’m FIT AF to see Jenefiriet. I saw her at the window and almost decided to step out and talk to her like a normal person but i read twilight once and stalking is romantic so i just hid under the balcony. Anyway she went on this huge speech on how my name is her enemy. So I stepped out and said i would change my name and she screamed because apparently she’s a weak ass bitch who doesnt like random men surprising her in the dark of her home at three-o-clock in the morning. I love sonnets I’m so good at sonnets screw you. Anyway a bunch of boring stuff happened and now we’re engaged! Shut UP mom this is true love!!!! I love her!!!!! NO repressed gay feelings here!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stop flaming this u plebs!

So I went home from the balcony and Mercutoi was waiting for me.   
“Whatcha doing, M-Dawg?” I inquired inquiringly. Mercutitties shrugged.   
“Just wondering why you were hanging out with that bitch Rosaline, Romoe whats good?” I gasped.   
“Omg Mermancutio why are you being like this!1111!!!!” i yelled  
“Because she’s never going to love you! Ever!” mercutititititio yelled back.   
“Well guess what I’ve moved on! To someone new!”  
“You said that last week you absolute bagel!” Mercutio was crying now. What the fuck was his deal? I mean just because i get a new gf every like three days doesnt mean juliet isn’t my true love omg!!!!!   
“You’re just jealous because you want to date her!” I screamed. Mercutio threw a dagger at me. I ducked and he stormed out of the room. But then he peeked his head back in.  
“I’m not jealous. I’m mad at you because you shouldn’t move on like this! You’ve known her for like two hours, and macklemoreover, you don’t even know her!” He stomped off again and i heard crashes and the screams of a cat. Then benovolirow-row-row your boat walked in and was like,  
“What’s up with mercury boy?”  
“Idk I told him I was in love with someone new and he flipped out on me! I think he’s jellous.”  
“Wait you moved on from Rosaline? Good job bro who is she?”  
“Her name’s juliet and she’s a capulet and we’re engaged.”  
“What the fuck bro” I started crying.  
“Omg benny boyyyyyy i told you so that you could support me not be a prep about it! I hate you!” I was so depressed so i flipped a table and went to my room. My room has a bunch of black curtains and its so goff like me. I threw myself melodramatically on my canopy bed and began stress-eating a leg of mutton. My life is the fuckin worst!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mercutittio and rom-comeo are totally in luv! XDXDXD

Ok os i felt really bad and was like i better go make it up to my dude Benoval. So i was like   
“Oy benovolio your my brovolio so im like really sorry or whatever”  
“It’s coo’ my main mango man”  
“Coolio”  
And so we decided to go hit up merc-man even tho he was being a fuckin narc.  
‘HEy you friggin’ douche-canoe get over here cuz i love you;  
no homo ™ “ .  
Then he made fnger-guns at me and i new it was all gona be guchi beetween us.   
He looks atme  
And i lookat him  
Nad he looks at me  
And i look @ hIIIMM~~  
Beon-viola: ‘dude you could like totes cut the sexual tension wif a knife m8y.’

All: BAzinga!!

*cue canned laughter*


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LEave a kudo if you read this!! omg stop being rude!!

Beanvoli Narcutio and me decided to go to the beach. We were there and narcutio wanted to build a sand castle.  
“Sure,” i replied sexily. Bearvolio punched me in the shoulder   
“Omfg stop flirting,” he whispered. I giggled. Then I saw an old lady walking towards us. She had a parasol and a vest.   
“Hey i wanna speak with romeo” she said so i said  
“Yeah im romeo did juliet send you?how is she i love her are we getting married?”   
“Let’s talk alone,” she said so we started walking away from ravioli ravioli where is the benvioli and mermancutititio along the beach.   
“Juliet doesn’t want to marry you,” she told me. I gasped offended. “She’s known you for like a day and thinks you’re moving too fast plus she says that although she saw you and thought you had like a cute butt and stuff now she’s realized that you’re a stalker.” she paused. “I mean seriously who sneaks over a wall at midnight? Creppy people that’s who.” I started crying sexily. “She never wants to see you again my dude. Bye lol.” She walked away. Beanvioli and Markutio walked over to me.  
“Bro what’s wrong?” benviloi asked.  
“You wouldn’t understand,” i said dramatically. There was only one person with enough experience with rejection to understand me. Time to go to the house of the McMikes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> huge fangs to my friend abbi for helpin me with this! ur da best abbi XD!

My friend Emo Mcmike (A/N: mattia das u! XD) has black hair that goes in a fringe tipped with red and purple streaks. He always wears a black leather doublet and black tights with a black iron sword. Today he was wearing an upside-down cross necklace and pentagram earings with tall black stilleto boots. Hes also a vampire and like kinda ugly even tho vampires are supposed to be hot. Anyway i went over to his house because i need his help.   
“Hey emo,” i say, knocking on the door. He opens the door.   
“What is it rowmeeo?” he asks gothly.   
“The love of my life just dumped me!” i tell him. “We were gonna get married and now she never wants to see me again!” He tells me to come in. i walk into his house. There are portraits of Harambe on every wall bc he has a friend whos a artist. I tell Emo everything.   
“Is she a lesbean?”(A/N: their called lesbeans because dey like to flicc the bean) (A/N: dey leik flickin red beans across tables u pervs! omg!) he asks me.  
“I dunt kno! If she was why would she mek out with me?” i yelled.  
“Idk maybe shes confused? Ill ask my friend whos a lesben.” emo said. “Wait here.” he walks out, presumably to go to his friends house, and came back with a girl in a blue dress. She had short red hair and blue eyes. She was infinitely more attractive than emo but unfortunately a laysben.  
“Hey so i heard you’re having relationship troubles? My name is y gay mca and you’re crush is totally gay my dude.” she tells me.   
“Really? That hecking sucks!” i shouted. She laughed.  
“I feed off of the tears of the Straights™!”   
“Okay thanks for ur help gues i better move on to someone knew.” i said dejectedly. Then y gay mca shot me with an arrow and i had to go home.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> romeo is sad :(

I strolled down the cobblestone streets, kicking at pebbles. The grey stormclouds churning overhead mirrored the turmoil in my heart. I had found love and then lost it, all within 48 hours. My own heart pulled itself in different directions, one half towards the beautiful woman I had seen at the party, the other towards...something I didn’t yet know. It started to rain, like the teardrops of God. I didn’t know where I was headed. A dim part of my mind tugged me towards my house, but my feet still wandered unconstrained. The freshwater rain blended with the saltwater streaming from my eyes. Every time I fell in love, Cupid shot the wrong person. Never had it worked out. I was determined to change that. No more would I fall in love. It would only ever end in pain. My mind made up, I cast aside the doubts that swirled like angry starlings through my heart and set out for home. I passed stores with their awnings shuttered against the storm and homes with curtains drawn. Finally, the mansion came into view, its towers silhouetted against the silver light of the sky. I saw two dark huddled figures waiting before the gates, shivering with cold. I kept walking towards them. Every one of my footsteps felt like dragging leaden weights. I was bone-tired from tears. A dim whisper reached me on the wind, coming from ahead of me. I listened. It was my name, the same name that had betrayed me like a dagger to the chest, spoken by the people I cared about. Perhaps, if they could say my name without it burning their tongue like acid, I could accept that I was a Montague. To think I had been willing to give up my family for a girl that was to abandon me like a cat tossing aside a torn-up toy. Mercutio and Benvolio came into view. “Romeo!” they yelled, and I began to run towards them. The raindrops lashed against my face like so many tiny whips. Finally, I stood before them, soaked and shivering.   
“Bro, come inside,” Benvolio told me. “We’ve got warm wine waiting for you.” I smiled. I could count on my cousin to take care of me. Mercutio put an arm around my shoulder, and I felt warmer when his hand brushed my face. They led me inside, and the warmth of the fireplaces banished the cold and damp. I left behind the pain of rejection out in the cold and wrapped myself in furs. Mercutio handed me clean clothes and I was suddenly shy to change in front of him, despite having no qualms doing so many times before. I kept the furs over my shoulders while I stripped off my damp clothes and put on dry ones. Time to start a new chapter in my life–one without fawning over unattainable women. Mercutio asked me if I was okay. I smiled. If only he knew.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> da momen u've all been waitin fur XD i have crippling depression now

Oh my god stop trying to watch me change you perv~~ i said flirtilily to mercenary-man. 

Mercutio: *blushes*   
Me *blushes*

“Oh my god get a room you too are gross” Brovioli said bc hes a heckening prep  
“Oh my god your just soooo jeolooos rnt you! Go get you’r own man Marcy-the-narcy-poo is mine!”  
“R-r-romeo-chan!” he looks @ me lovingly  
The tension was REEL. would I kiss him? Would he kss me? “Ew” said benvioli and you know what he super wasn’t being a brovioli and i wasn’t about to take that so I grabbed m’cutie and we frigg’n left that twatwaffle to be pleb alone.  
“b-but , Romaine, where are we going to go?” “it don’t matter a s long as w’ere to gether bby. I replied. N’ then igrabbed his bootyful blond head and kissed him. ‘Twas a battle of tongues.


	9. Wafflez

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romeo makes wafflez with ta bae :3

Benvoliio was making faces at us so we went away because that isn’t nice and i don’t need that kind of bad mood in my life and he’s a stupid prep anyway. Then we went into the kitchen and made waffles because they’re the sexiest food. Mercurtity made ye olde waffles and I watched him because I thought he looked good. Then we at e waffles and stared at each other.  
“These are good waffles” I giggled sexily.  
We finished eating and then I went out to walk in alleyways and look sad becuz its very goff to do that. But I wore blue because it matches my eyes and that's the color my favorite store Tailor Horton’s sells. I walked around the streets and looked sad for a lot of time and then I was hungry so I went to the bakery and bought some black bread. It's not good bread because it's for the peasants but it's very goth since it's black so I ate it anyway. Note to self: don’t eat black bread again. Black bread makes you sick. Except maybe i should bc i have to be goff and stick it to the preps like Benveliope. ugh.


	10. Just wanted a little AU :3

-Parallel Universe- aka won't follow plot line. You're welcome :)  
“MOVE! I'm GAY!~” Yells a stout womannnzzz with a bow tie on a leash. The bow tie hops happily around in circles as it chases its string of a tail. “Piku, piku, piku!!!!!!!”

Then everyone dies in the horrible short story by a Death Note, Flash Light imagay. (Yagami).


	11. Love bbtwn houses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the montegoos and the cap screw hets can mayb get along

Omg so today Mercusushimio and i were walking thru the town square and a whole bunch of cap screw hets came over! They were being lead by Tih balt. The capulets are all fckin preps. Anyway merscrewmeo told them to fight him and I was like “babe no.” But he didn't listen and he fought yuh Balt and I was really scared and then bentenvolio came up and was like “GUYS STOP!!1!1!1!!” But Tuvalu's a Duouchr Bag and he said “bitch why.” And there was a really awkward silence. And then Brownvolio said “BC IM IN LOVE WITH YOU TIBLT!” And the. They kissed.


	12. Elizabeth Mary T'udor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> had to fank my frien Kieta for all her halp XD

After that I went to my friend Elizabeth May T’udor’s house (A/N: Katie dis is u!!1!1! XD) she was wearing a black dress with red lace and a black corset and she was showing her ankles bc she's a SLUT (jk) she's not a slut she just thinks women's rights should be a thing but honestly I think widespread pestilence is a bigger problem I'm not sexist actually yeah I am. Anyway she said that the baysis of any good relationship is communication. I asked her what the hecklemore that was supposed to mean. She said, “Bromeo you need to send furrycutio love letters via passenger pigeon” and then Emo mcmikr jumped through the window and said   
“the passenger pigeon is gonna go extinct!” And broke her window in the process. He's a broke ass bitch so now he's in indentured servitude to Elizabeth so he can pay for the window. Anyway while Elmo was sweeping up the glass shards Elizabeth told me to leave. I left while flamboyantly sweeping my blue cape over one shoulder.


	13. It's Not Gay If It's A Cape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> o no!!!!! is there...a, love triangle???!? (fanks to MASDJLA:SFK for dis chap!!!XD)

At this point in my day, I had become quite exhausted. In order to rectify this, I focused on my gorgeous midnight blue cape. It was truly a thing of legend, shimmery with silver trimmings. Many peasants would constantly batter it with phrases such as “gay” and “You look like you’re wearing the skin of a clown that got dismembered by a five year old with a crayon.” However I knew better. My cape was gorgeous, and as such I named him Omofylófilos.   
“Oh Omofylófilos,” I whispered tenderly, bringing the delectable fabric close to my face. “You are truly the only one that understands me. Your handsomeness and undeniable sexual appeal are second to only that hunk Mercusushimio. But you hold a special place in my heart even so.”  
I pondered Mercutio’s rippling abs and bulging biceps for another few minutes, before deciding that I would spend the rest of the day catering to my beloved Omofylófilos. My fabulous cape deserved some respect. Fastening him tightly to my manly man masculine shoulders, I proceeded to twirl him fantabulously across my manly man super not feminine torso. His fabric felt amazing, cool and so sweet on my skin. And so we danced, like the courting of a swan in our beauty.   
In time I grew flustered, his silky presence was growing too much.   
“Omofylófilos, I need a break,” I whispered, my voice only a tremor in the tension thick air.  
“Swoosh,” he replied, setting my heart aflutter.  
“B-But we can’t!” I cried out, “What about Mercuteypie? I could never betray him.”  
“Swish,” He muttered. It made my heart break.   
“Fine,” I murmured with tears welling up in my man manly superman eyes. “Just know… Just know that I loved you. I really did, and I think I may still. Someday I hope we can fix it.”  
He didn’t reply, and the silence crushed my heart more than his harsh words ever could. It was like being stabbed with a million tiny needles, everything just hurt.  
And with the last of my words spent, I released him from the grip of my masculine muscley shoulders. He left without even a fwoosh.


	14. swood dude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a converFANGshon (get it XD)

Ugh. I am so done with my stupid parents. They're asking me when I'll ever get a girlfriend. Whatever. I was at dinner in the great hall which I hate because all the carpetry is red and I hate colors except deep blue like my eyes. The servants had made chicken.  
“How was your day,” my mother inquired.   
“Pretty gay. Could have been gayer,” I replied swoodly.


	15. The Dick Tangerine Regime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the LEAST POLITACAL chapter eva.... we pride ourselves in being APOLITCAL there is no HIDDEN ALLEGORY

There’s a new king of Verdinando - King Dick Tangerine. He is Ver Fat and is the color of…………………………...dick tangeringes. He stood upon the Town soapbox and yelled,  
“What’s up SLUTS time for some Hecking Xenophobia”  
“Sounds fake. Unfollowed blocked.” said ben-hurvolio  
“It’s been long enough. We have to get rid of DIck Tangerrrrrrrinnnnnnneeeeee. So. Here’s the plan - You’ve heard of elf on the shelf. Now get ready for: Dick’s head on a stick.” Mercutornadotio yelled  
“Immigrants from France are stealing our jobs,” he yelled. Meerkatio pointed out that jobs can’t be stolen because of the feudal system and everyone’s starving anyway.   
“Niccolo Machiallevi supporte me,” intoned Didlly ding dong cheetoh man. To which; Macheillevi jeans replied   
“YOu are neither feared Nor Loved and thus;;; not Good. The kingdom will descend into chaos.”   
“YOu haven’t been born yet you soggy lamp,” Dick orangeson replied.

Later i was chillin with my homieslices in west hollywood, no just kidding it was Vernona, five feet apart because we’re not gay. Not my idea cuz im not gay actually i am. No hamo.   
“So what should we doo about Cheesecake McToupee?” mercutiamat asked. Just then there was a knock on the Wooden Entrance Device aka door. Benviolin opened it and it was julesverniet and rowsallind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
“Whats up y’all’d’t’ve” said Rosalindor truffles, “let’s plot to overthrow the monarchy” Juliettiquete pulled out a katana and some IEDs.   
“Yeah sure im in” said beneneneneanalio. “Time for some anarky”  
“So what the hellenistic culture is the plan?” i asked, still slightly miffed, at the presence, of my xes. “Let’s hope it doesn’t involve ABANDONING your FIANCE.”  
“Back off you creepy umbrella im with rosabellybuttonlint now,” Julihet roared feministly. I gasped.   
“Ew u gay!!! Homos disgusting amirite,” i giggled  
“U r dating a guy you corn muffin,” Hulahoopiet accused accusingly.   
“Shit u right,” i replied replyingly  
“Alright babes lets get down to businesess… TO DEFEAT- THE TRUUUUMMMMPPP” mercalcuttio sang off-key and beautifully. Beansaatandsvolio pulled out a parchment and quill pen. Time to plot Our Revolution.


End file.
